You Were Never as Unworthy as You Felt
Guided Reflection Question from Undeniably Me: A Collection of Empowering and Inspiring Poems By Destiny Taylor Harris: When have you doubted your worth, and what helped you reclaim your confidence?
There have been many times in my life when I questioned myself.
In college, I remember classmates making fun of the clothes I wore and my how my hair looked. At the time, comments like that could make me wonder if something was wrong with me. I started paying more attention to how other people saw me instead of how I saw myself.
Then there was my career.
After graduating, I wondered if I had enough experience to get a “real” job. I didn't have years of professional experience to put on my resume, so I used my volunteer experience. Even though volunteering had taught me important skills, I sometimes wondered if it was enough.
I have questioned myself in relationships, too. I wondered if I was emotionally mature enough. I questioned whether I handled things the right way.
Even when I received awards for National Honor Society I had worked hard on, part of me still wondered, Am I really worthy of this?
Looking back, I realize that I wasn't always questioning what I could do.
Sometimes, I was questioning whether I was enough.
Self-doubt can show up in many ways
When we hear the word “confidence,” we might think about someone who is comfortable speaking in front of a room or someone who seems sure of themselves.
But confidence isn't always that obvious.
Sometimes self-doubt looks like constantly comparing yourself to other people.
Sometimes it looks like being afraid to apply for a job because you don't think you're qualified.
Sometimes it looks like ignoring your accomplishments because you think someone else could have done them better.
Sometimes it looks like staying quiet because you're afraid people will judge you.
And sometimes it looks like receiving something you've worked hard for and still wondering if you deserve it.
That last one was a big lesson for me.
I used to think that reaching certain goals would automatically make me feel confident. I thought maybe graduating, getting a good job, receiving an award, or becoming more successful would finally make me stop questioning myself.
But confidence doesn't work that way.
There will probably always be something new to question and strive for.
The goal isn't to never doubt yourself again.
The goal is to learn not to let doubt make every decision for you.
Why this conversation matters
September is Suicide Prevention Month, which gives us an opportunity to talk about mental health, connection, and getting help when life feels too heavy.
According to the CDC, more than 48,000 people in the United States died by suicide in 2024. Millions more seriously thought about suicide or made a suicide plan. Suicide is complicated, and there isn't one reason why someone may reach a crisis point.
Black women are not exempt from these struggles.
In fact, CDC data found that the suicide rate among Black females increased 14% between 2020 and 2021. The number went from 2.9 deaths per 100,000 people to 3.3 deaths per 100,000.
These numbers don't tell us everything about what a person is experiencing. But they do remind us that mental health conversations matter.
And I think we need to have some of those conversations before someone reaches a crisis.
We should be able to talk about feeling insecure.
We should be able to talk about rejection.
We should be able to talk about feeling behind in life.
We should be able to say, “I don't feel good enough right now,” without being ashamed of it.
And we should be able to ask for help when we need it or take a mental health day off work.
Having confidence doesn't mean you never struggle. It means you don't have to face those struggles alone.
I had to stop using other people's opinions as proof of my worth
One of the things that helped me rebuild my confidence was realizing that other people's opinions don't get to decide who I am.
The classmates who made comments about my clothes and hair did not know my future and are not even people I see on a daily basis anymore.
The fact that I didn't have a long list of professional experiences after college didn't mean I had nothing to offer.
The fact that I was still learning how to communicate and handle my emotions didn't mean I was incapable of having healthy relationships.
And receiving an award didn't suddenly make me worthy.
It simply recognized something I had already worked for.
I started realizing that I didn't have to become someone else before I could appreciate myself.
I could grow and still be proud of where I was.
I could make mistakes and still have value.
I could be learning and still have something to offer.
I could be successful and still have moments of insecurity.
That last part is important because sometimes we assume confident people never doubt themselves.
That's not true.
Confidence isn't the absence of doubt.
Sometimes confidence is saying, “I have doubts, but I'm not going to let them convince me that I am worthless.”
You don't have to earn your worth
I wrote about confidence and imposter syndrome in the “Crowned in Confidence” section of my poetry book, Undeniably Me, because this is something I have had to learn for myself. You can buy the book on Amazon: https://a.co/d/07tzJdOA
I also discuss imposter syndrome on my podcast, the Educated Black Queen Podcast. You can listen to the podcast on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2kdrAfKzD74u7wxOs1UyQm?si=LGD_IWVnTLuZwrFTWSjvFw&utm_source=copy-link
Listen on the website: https://www.edublackqueen.com/podcast-1
There will always be someone who doesn't understand you.
Someone may not like your clothes.
Someone may question your abilities.
Someone may not see your potential.
Someone may have more experience than you.
Someone may accomplish something before you do.
None of those things make you less valuable.
Your worth isn't a competition.
You don't become more worthy because you received an award.
You don't become less worthy because you were rejected.
You don't become more valuable because you got the job.
You don't become less valuable because you are still figuring things out.
You are allowed to grow without constantly putting yourself on trial.
A reflection for you
Think about a time when you questioned your worth.
Maybe it happened at school.
Maybe it happened at work.
Maybe it happened in a relationship.
Maybe you compared yourself to someone else.
Maybe you made a mistake and decided that mistake said something about who you were.
Now ask yourself:
What made me question my worth?
And then ask:
What helped me remember who I was?
Maybe it was a person who believed in you.
Maybe it was therapy.
Maybe it was prayer.
Maybe it was leaving a situation that made you feel small.
Maybe it was finally giving yourself credit for how far you've come.
Or maybe you're still figuring it out.
That's okay, too.
You don't have to have everything figured out to be worthy.
And if you're struggling right now, please don't feel like you have to handle everything by yourself. If you're having thoughts of suicide or feel like you may hurt yourself, call or text 988 in the United States to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Join a Suicide Support Group near you:https://www.eventbrite.com/e/online-suicide-support-group-lifeline-connections-tickets-1978166018813?utm-campaign=social&utm-content=attendeeshare&utm-medium=discovery&utm-term=listing&utm-source=wsa&aff=ebdsshwebmobile
Sometimes reclaiming your confidence starts with something very simple:
Remembering that your hardest moment does not get to decide your worth.
Sources:
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. “Suicide Data and Statistics.” 2026.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Health Statistics. “Suicide Rates Increased from 2020 to 2021 Among Black and White Females.” Data Brief No. 464, April 2023.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. “About Suicide Prevention.” 2026.
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